[nokonoko journal] demoscene

The interview with demosceners has reached its 10th time. Looking at the list of people who have answered my questions, I feel great appreciation for them and have a bit of “this gotta be kidding” feeling too. After all, these are people who I respect and I’ve been seeing their work for some time… so it may be normal for me to feel “surreal”…

Each time I sent questions, I got nervous and worried if I might have said something offensive or miss the point stuff because I’m not knowledgeable about programming or technology in general. And each time I received their answers, I’ve been overjoyed (total fan reaction) and amazed at their generosity and openness. My blog is just a tiny personal thing and nothing influential, so they could’ve just said no and I wouldn’t blame them…but well, I must say that I've been really lucky.

I can’t code, I can’t make music, I can’t draw anything properly. So I never imagined that I could do something other than being “silent +1 viewer”. But now, I am happy and also feeling proud to build some kind of relations with this “away” culture or field, by using what I’m a bit good at it.

“Away” field, I said… I was a literature major student, and naturally people around me were/are like-minded. Though I had casual interests in robots or gadgets, I’ve always consider science, math, computers or anything related to them have nothing to do with my life. (Mostly because I’m not good at it.) And until I started to work in IT company, I didn’t have any friends who was seriously into science or computers. In fact, I was quite afraid of them because I had no idea what they’re thinking. So, that’s why “Away” field to me.

Frankly speaking, reactions from the people around me have been not so positive. Most of them give me a bitter smile and tell me things like “that’s fine, but you should use your time and skill in more productive way” or “are you into geek boys now?” Well, for this interview I’m asking what I want to know to who I want to hear from, so usually I don’t care about other people’s comments but.. sometimes, of course, I question myself why I’m doing this..  And each time I felt so I looked at the people I interviewed, thinking these guys must have been in a same situation for at least once or twice by now. And… when I do the interview, I unconsciously or consciously included some questions to seek some advices from them. Might be funny to say, but this “doubt” feeling actually helps me to understand their words more deeply.

And these bitter smile comments from people around me… to be honest, this also helped me realize the problem I’ve been having with myself and human relationships. So.. it’s okay now. 

As for editing and translating these interview, it has been really really fun. I do these things for work as well (just like most of demosceners do similar things for work) but unlike work, there is almost no restriction over the style, word count or deadlines (though I set rough schedule to myself, otherwise I may keep it).  And as a translator, having a text which I really like is… just a pure bliss (because it’s not happening all the time..) and more often than I count, it reminds me why I do this for my work..

I still don’t know why I got interested in this culture. Maybe because  I always liked computers and techno music, maybe because I like to watch music videos, maybe because it linked to my childhood memory or particular emotion, maybe because I can empathize their sensitivity and alienation, maybe because the first scener I saw was cool, maybe because a few computer science students I met in my school days were exceedingly obnoxious that I’ve been refusing to relate them with anything creative or word “nice” but this thing slaps my face and made me realized how narrow minded I was, or maybe simply because there are cool demos. Or maybe all of them. I don’t know.  And I don’t think I need to know.

Discovering the demoscene was a complete accident to me. But so far, it has been a sequence of happy accidents. I thought there’s no similarity between us, but after doing 10 interviews and plus, though I only know them as a demoscener, I started to believe that we speak the same language.

(Posts transferred from NokoNoko Journal)

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